My VBAC attempt birth story

My due date with baby number 2 was April 4th and we were attempting VBAC! I was extremely passionate about this and thought about my attempt every single day. On March 31st I went into spontaneous labor, just as I had wanted! I wasn't dilated when we got to the hospital but I was in active labor so they admitted me to L&D because I was considered too high risk to send home. I wasn't making any progress in L&D. My mom arrived with her video camera and said, "let's get walking." I probably walked 2 miles around L&D that night. We went back to the room and I still wasn't dilated. My mom insisted we keep walking and suggested walking up and down stairs. My contractions were so strong but I endured them and began walking up and down the stairs, determined to deliver this baby vaginally. We went back to the room after I had walked my heart out, I needed to rest. While laying in the bed I felt this weird rolling/pulling sensation inside my belly. It freaked me out! 5 min later I was shocked to see that my water broke! Yes, this was all going exactly how I had wanted! Emotions began to flood in and I started crying. Was I scared? Yes. Was I determined to not let that fear take over and break me down? Absolutely. The nurse came in to check me and I was dilated to a 3! Everything after that just flowed so smoothly. Contractions hit harder and more painful. I sat in the tub at the hospital breathing through them with the encouragement of my mother and Bill. At about 6 1/2 cm I gave in and got the epidural. It eased my pain until it became ineffective at 8 cm. I felt everything again and the back labor was excruciating. Before I knew it it was 10 cm and it was time to push. Push after push I never lost my momentum. I pushed hard everytime and if not harder the next. I was almost there. She was almost here. I was getting that one thing (besides the safe and healthy delivery of my daughter of course) I desired since my cesarean in 2011. This was happening and I cried with rapture. However, things changed rather quickly once my daughters heart rate went from 162 to 86 and back up to 180ish. The doctor stood beside me and said that my urine bag had a significant amount of blood in it and they were concerned. Also, of course my daughters skittish heart rate. I began to sob. I went through all this and did everything right...just to have this happen to me. I looked over at Bill, and he was crying too. My biggest supporter and fan. The love of my life who had been there for me since the beginning, felt my pain at that exact moment and I knew this had to be done. They wheeled me back to the OR and got to work. When my daughter was delivered to me I got to see/hold her right away. She was beautiful and HEALTHY and ALIVE. Two things I knew was more important than my own life. 

During recovery the OB that performed my cesarean came in to explain to me everything that happened. My uterus was "pushes" away from rupturing. It was so thin that they didn't even have to cut it open to get my daughter, they simply peeled it back. I had to get a compete reconstruction of my uterus. My bladder was logged up in my rib cage and was near tearing. They had to take it out and replace it in the correct spot. Wow, after hearing all of this I can't help but feel relieved and LUCKY. I was minutes away from having a hysterectomy and peeing in a bag for the rest of my life. I'm only 22. I still don't have the words to describe my complete feelings towards this but I do know one thing. Lucy Eleanor is here alive and well and she'll get to be a big sister in the future. 

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B7fC1Q07iH5-VGlpQlF1SnlfeWM/edit?usp=docslist_api link to view video of us meeting Lucy for the first time

Date of birth: April 1, 2014
Weight: 7 lbs 15 oz
Height: 19 3/4 inches

So I met Bill

I met Bill in May 2013 at a silly little business party my older sister had invited me to. You know, the typical pyramid scheme "business". I had really wanted to meet people and honestly, take a tiny adult break from my one year old. I was a single mom and devoted all my time to my daughter. We don't become prisoners to our homes when we have children. You can still be a kick ass parent AND have fun, a concept that many have yet to figure out. I was looking to have fun and most of all, interact with other humans that knew more than a handful of words. This is the part where I tell you I fell madly in love with Bill and blah blah blah, however, it didn't go exactly like that. Bill was a friend of my sisters boyfriend who had tagged along on this "business" event for the same reasons I had. When I was first introduced to Bill...I thought he was GAY! Ha! I know, I know, judging a book by it's cover but he was so nice and he talked with his hands. Obviously my gaydar was way off. Soon after we met my suspicions of his sexuality definitely flew out the window, he would not stop hitting on me. I had Been out the "game" for a long long time so I didn't know how to handle it. He asked me out countless times and I brushed it off. I didn't even give myself a chance to be interested in him because of my own insecurities when it came to men. At the end of a long and extremely eventful night, I went home and parted ways with Bill but he didn't leave empty handed. I received a text message from Bill a day or so after the event. It was a photo meme of Gandalf that had some funny words I can't recall on them. I laughed, he was obviously listening when I told him I had enjoyed fantasy movies/books. We conversed throughout the day and into the night. Bill asked me out again that night (or day..I don't really remember) to go to Shakespeare in the park. I accepted but was really afraid of everything. At the time I was discussing going away for school to a technical college program and honestly...I didn't think I was ready for anything. The day before we were supposed to go I started my period and was experiencing horrible abdominal cramps. I canceled. I knew that it wasn't because of the cramps. I told myself I wasn't ready for dating someone and I wasn't sure I was into him. For the next couple days we continued to converse via text and I agreed to go to the Zoo with him and our kids. I guess you can say...the rest was history? Spending time with him in an environment we both found familiar helped blossom our relationship. We had grown so fond of each other very fast and our spare time was spent with eachother that summer in 2013. 

Our girls at the Zoo

Bill and I

How to survive a cesarean: part 3

I awoke for the 2 time since my doctor had told me I was in desperate need of an emergency cesarean. Maybe it was the 3rd or 4th but after being so exhausted and surviving a very scary surgery, I felt as though my brain was being filled with clouds coagulating my sanity and memories into puffy mush. I looked around this insanely small room. I don't even think it was considered a room because the rooms on either side of my "room" we're divided by curtains. What the fuck? Where was I? And where in the hell was my baby. I kept asking the older nurse who was giving me a horribly painful sponge bath where my baby was. Where was my Lily? They kept telling me she was in the special care nursery but I kept asking. Minuets ticked away at the clock as the nurses pushed on my stomach and cleaned blood from my body. I didn't even care that I was was laying in my own blood, sweat and amniotic fluids that broke a day before, all I cared about was when I was going to meet my daughter. I was in so much pain and I asked for more pain medicine and then For lily, more medicine and for Lily. I felt like a prisoner in this tiny room. Like I was an insane patient asking the dear nurses the same questions. My epidural acted as its own hell of a straight jacket. The last thing I recalled from the surgery was passing out because I thought I was having a heart attack. That was around 8:58am when Lily was born. It was almost noon. Before I could freak out I heard a familiar voice that soon had been put with a familiar face that was pushing an unfamiliar cart with the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. I was meeting my daughter. She was here and I was never going to let go. My mom carefully placed Lily in my arms. The act that had freaked me out seemed so natural. I hugged and kissed her. I was very upset about the way my birth plan crumbled before my eyes but despite the pain I went through and am still going through I know that surviving a c-section is as simple as the love for your child. Lily is the reason I was strong enough to go through that horrifying experience. Not a moment went by during those 28 hours that I didn't stop and think about why I was facing my fears. That c-section proved that I could put another's life before mine because of love. I can be in excruciating pain because of love. I survived a c-section because I love.

How to survive a cesarean: Part 2

As I looked around the OR at all the different medical staff hovering over my body trying to catch a glimpse at the gory cesarean being performed I began to cry. Pictures of my little garbanzo bean, Lily Evelyn, we're flickering across the OR ceiling. I've been waiting 9 months & 28 hours for her to be in my arms. Why am I being put through all this? woman labor for less then 13 hours and then 10 min later they push their baby out. Why can't I experience that? Why was I being robbed of my beloved experience? 
Before I knew it I awoke again. I was still shaking and my teeth were so sore. "when are you going to be done?" I asked my doctor hesitantly. 
Suddenly I felt the worst sensation in the world. It didn't hurt because the drugs I was on but i could feel every bit of pressure from them pulling on my skin, stretching my lower abdomen open. And at last I felt this wave, like an ocean wave hitting you in the face. Like the drop on a roller coaster. I felt like this weight was lifted off my chest. I didn't hear a scream but I knew they had gotten her out of me. I cried out and demanded to see her. I saw her go a quick second and they rushed her over to the table 5 feet away from me. That was extremely too far! I haven't been that far away from her in 9 months. They need to give her to me, I thought. My mom let go of my hand to go take a peak at her granddaughter but ultimately (as I later found out) to block my view of the machines they were hooking my daughter up to. 
I lifted my arms off the table and tried pushing myself up. I was ready to see my daughter. "are we done here?" I asked, my eyes glued on my daughter. 
"No, about 30 more minutes. I have to close you up." my doctor replies and I rested my head down.
"my heart Is beating too fast!" I exclaimed. "I need to get out of here!" 
Everyone kept reassuring me that I was okay but I felt like I was going to die. I couldn't breathe. I felt like someone had injected an overdose of speed into my heart. My heart rate was in fact decreasing. The last thing I saw before I passed out was that bright light. I couldn't believe that this was how the magical day my daughter was born had turned out.

How to survive a cesarean: Part 1

When I got pregnant in January 2011 I Had my birth plan set in stone and I was so excited to become a mother. Everything from prenatal vitamins to yoga. I wanted the perfect vaginal delivery with pain medications. My pain tolerance was lower then the number 0. I was terrified of giving birth vaginally but I was so excited to give birth the way our bodies were intended to. I always said, "I am blessed to be a woman because I get to experience labor and delivery." as painful and long it is, nonetheless a wonderful rapturous gift. I was prepared for the tearing. I was ready for my 20 year old vagina to be forever changed. I was most importantly ecstatic and ready for pushing my daughter out into the world, possibly pulling her the rest of the way with my hands. She was going to enter the world with her mother holding her and it was an absolute dream come true. Except that's exactly what it was, a dream. 
On October 11, 2011 after laboring for 28 hours and pushing for about 2 hours, my doctors were getting worried. I didn't know that there was something wrong. I was in so much pain, my back felt like glass was grinding against my spine, I was so tired and images of my daughter were dancing around behind my eye lids as I closed my eyes for my last push. My mom grabbed my hand. I looked up at the dim lights above my hospital bed. An oxygen mask was being placed on my face and doctors were running around the room in a calm manner. I was oblivious to the fact that something was seriously wrong. 
"what's going on?" I croked, out Of breath I was and extremely sweaty.
Suddenly my Doctor who has been by my side for months doing the weekly vaginal exams, hooking me up to non stress tests and stopping my pre term labor was by my side once again. Then I knew, something was wrong. 
"Natalie." he calmly said in a smooth doctor voice that says -I'm about to tell you something horrible but I'm trying to make it as painless as possible- "There are some complications regarding The baby's position and it's causing her to go Into distress. Her heart rate is dropping. We're going to have to perform an emergency cesarean or try retrieving her with forceps." 
What? This isn't part of my plan. This must be a terrible nightmare. I'll wake up any moment and the doctors will tell me they can see Lily's head, she's almost here! It has to be a nightmare because this isn't how things were supposed to be.
"Natalie, what will it be?" My doctor asked. He sounded frustrated, like he's asked me this question already. 
I turned to my mom. "what should I do?" I asked her terrified. 
"I cant tell you what to decide Natalie but forceps can really screw up a baby and it may not work." My mom replied in haste. She held my hand very tight. My mom wasn't a very affectionate person but she made it clear that moment the love she had for me.

"I guess I'll have the c-section.." I mumbled and looked up at the ceiling, I began to sob. Everything seemed to move rather quickly after that. Doctors and nurses and med students were chattering away and bumping me up first on the OR list. A woman was jabbing needles in my thighs, waist and calves. I was crying an holding onto my moms hand for dear life as I shifted the oxygen mask that was on my face. I closed my eyes for just a moment, I swear it was a moment! I lifted my lids and I was starring up at the brightest light I had ever seen. 
"where's my mom?" I exclaimed in panic. I was shaking uncontrollably and my teeth were chattering like broken glass. My hand felt warm and I looked over and my mom was standing by my side in scrubs from head to toe. My oxygen mask was gone and my mom looked at me with confidence but it was clearly masking her worry. 
"your going to feel some pressure Natalie." My doctor said calmly from behind the blue sheets hanging below my neck. He has been trained so well in situations like this, his confidence calmed me a little. But, it quickly wore off as soon as I felt that blade glide across my lower abdomen. I was panicking again. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. I was so sure I was having a heart attack. 
"mom, I can't do this." I cried out. Nurses from all different directions swarmed towards me. What the fuck? I thought. 
"You need to calm down Natalie" they all put their hands on my shoulders and another grabbed my other hand.

Why I'm Here

  Hello Everyone!! 


Wow, after years of contemplating a blog, I've finally went with it. I do have to say, trying to consider a name has been the hardest thing ever and definitely was something that hindered the start of this blog. I'm going to be completely honest- I have NO idea what I'm doing or where to even begin this. I'm a brand new blogger so please, be patient with me. 

I Started this blog to share my experience and perspective on certain parenting styles, as well as share ideas and give advice! What kind of parenting styles are we talking? Cloth diapers, Breast Feeding, Baby Wearing, Co-Sleeping, Natural Remedies, DIY, Sewing, Crocheting, etc. Those are the main things I will be blogging about. My experience with every single one and how I came to where I am today. 

Let me tell you a little bit about myself: I'm Natalie and I'm 22 years old! I have one beautiful daughter, Lily Evelyn and she's TWO! I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant with baby girl number 2! I'm a stay at home mom (for now). I live with my awesome geeky technology specialist boyfriend, Bill. He has a 5 year old daughter, Leyla. We will have a him out numbered 4-1 here pretty soon! I'm a cloth diapering mama, baby wearer, and breast feeder. I sew my own diapers as of recently and have been crocheting for 2 years now. Being crafty keeps me busy and sane. Some would consider me a "Crunchy" mom but I feel too crazy for that title. I'm not a religious person, my opinion is STRONG and I'll make sure you hear it. Some see that as a flaw but I know I could make one hell of a lawyer one day. ;) I have a potty mouth and a bit of a temper but I don't let that define me as a person nor mother. I'm very free spirited and enjoy life to the fullest. 

Lily Evelyn 

Leyla Mary

Me wearing Lily 9 months pregnant

Bill wearing Lily at the Zoo

So, I suppose that concludes my first blog. *squeals* If you have any suggestions as to what I should feature in my next blog, please go ahead! 

Thanks for reading, 

Natalie